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High Hopes

by Ardvarck

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1.
Six 03:06
I'm miserable and I think you like it I think you need it. My suffering burns like still frames in your eyes. As a fascination of inner torture, self-inflicted, and amplifying danger. When my hands still smell like smoke, tightness in my chest grows. At least they're not the ones around your throat. It's fucking bitter, how you stayed home It's fucking bitter, the coming winter cold I know it's true. You never loved me. I was led to believe, no matter how much I bleed, you would help sew all the stitches. I would apologize if it were at all my fault. I did too much. I lost so much. I bled so much. Was it you or I who belongs buried at the end of the rides that we used to drive, each and every night? They say home is where the heart is, but I forgot where I put it, who had it last, and who treated it like the bottle made of glass. Smashed and shattered, left in a parking lot to break down, and reflect light. A light that never caught. A light that never burned out. I am invisible. I am rustled sheets. I am the leftover prints of our feet on a world we could have conquered. I am those hopeless dreams. I am the ruins that remain. I am the sleep that can't be had. I am the sleep that can't be had.
2.
I'm Told 01:56
I'm told to grow up. I'm told to get my head of childhood. That I have all the time. I'm told I have none. I'm told to go to school. I'm told to get a job. I'm told to live like everyone else. Let me choose For my self I can't live If you won't let me You're naive And I'm lost Surrender And fuck off I'm told that I am alone. I'm told that it's all my fault. I'm told that the issues can't be fixed by our hands. I'm told that I am hateful. Well I'll tell you I hate your blindness, and I hate you.
3.
Bear Ankles 02:24
Your bare ankles, between your toes and your cuffed jeans Dreams of breaking teeth, crunched against concrete Corner me into a place they told you to put me in Committing sins Spitting up my fears Why do you think it's been over a year? Scared of a poison kiss, tea stained teeth, and your lips. Do you ever wonder what you missed? I don't but it lingers in My thoughts and your curled fingers. Your bare ankles Rest across my old couch Or dipped into the sand behind your house Do you feel diseased? Am I still bitter? I fucking hope you're alone forever Shut up in your room, picking these splinters Here's to home And the ones you never told Why do you think it's been over a year?
4.
Have you ever seen the rain when the sky isn't grey? A white line defines the shoreline Waiting this time For feelings to rewind Sitting in one moment Letting but several pass by Oblivious to the way each one Shrivels up and dies Left to sink Collecting on the floor Like memories We shed with skin Departing through the front door Slammed shut Expelling innocence Just don't forget that an exit is not an entrance It will never come back to sit at the sill we sat at While we reconciled a broken night We could put the pieces back What's left now is desolate, dry, and black A mirage of false hope, where time didn't elapse. An anxious breaking of a ship Time doesn't want us back I'm yearning just to curl up and die with you But what's the worth of a last breath?
5.
N8: Nothing's the same and you think that I'm pissed It's always a cycle, a push and a twist You think you know me, but I know that's shit These fucking holes come from walls versus fist Alan Baker: A canvas so beaten and torn This where people like us have been born Striving for independence, that image So unattainable, and you're spiraling out of control Nate: A painting you never cared to finish Alex: Down this beaten path you've once walked before A body so worn, never as bright, never will gleam Nate: Swimming in a sea you can't have Intentions strayed from your holy path It's the way this house echoes when no one's home I'll go up to the bathroom and watch myself drown Armed with a mirror and a pair of goggles Just tools to prove that when I'm gone, nothing will change I am gone, and nothing changed. I flipped the book, but I stay on the same page.

about

Nate - Words
Alex - Four String
Corey - Drums
Tim - Six String

credits

released July 27, 2013

Recorded by screamo legend Kris Di Benedetto
Album art by Nathan Dragon

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Ardvarck Chicago, Illinois

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